Spiritual Abuse

What is spiritual abuse?

There can be multiple interpretations of what spiritual abuse is. A simple explanation is that spiritual abuse occurs when a spiritual leader uses his or her power to harmfully control a person. To abuse someone essentially means to harm them. Abuse can be physical, emotional, mental, financial, or other types of harm.

The New Testament (“NT”) uses the metaphor of a family in regard to the local church. Just as parents who emotionally and mentally harm their children commit abuse, spiritual leaders who emotionally and mentally harm members of their church family likewise commit abuse.

It’s also important to note what spiritual abuse is not. Spiritual abuse does not occur just because a spiritual leader:

• holds a different opinion than a church member
• makes a decision that a church member doesn’t agree with
• confronts sin in the life of a church member
• applies spiritual discipline to a church member in the true spirit of Christ

Spiritual neglect

Spiritual abuse can occur in a variety of forms. Spiritual neglect is a form of spiritual abuse.

Jeremiah 6:13-14 For from the least of them even unto the greatest of them every one is given to covetousness; and from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely. They have healed also the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace; when there is no peace.

The spiritual leaders in Jeremiah’s time were guilty of spiritual neglect. They were consumed by their own desires and had no interest in genuinely ministering to hurting people. Some modern day examples of this might be spiritual leaders offering solutions such as:

• “I’ll pray for you” – when what is really needed is practical help
• Sermons that promise easy solutions to difficult problems

Spiritual legalism

Jesus’ most stinging criticism was not directed at ordinary people, it was to the spiritual leaders of his day, the scribes and the Pharisees. Matthew 23 is full of the strong condemnation possible towards these religous hypocrites.

Matthew 23:4 – For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

In total contrast to this legalistic system, Jesus says in Matthew 11: 28-30 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

In a legalistic church, performance is prioritised over the spirit of God. Works, not the fruit of the Spirit, are the measure of spirituality. Some examples of works are:

• church attendance
• participation in church ministries
• tithing
• sacrificially giving money to the church
• standard of dress/clothing style
• unconditional support of church leadership
• soulwinning

Just like there is no such thing as a perfect family, there is no such thing as a perfect church. The difference between an abusive church and a non-abusive church is that while hurtful behaviours might happen in both, it is not permissible to talk about problems, hurts and abuses in an abusive church. The victim is made to feel at fault for questioning or pointing out the problem.

 In a spiritually abusive church, how things look is always more important than how things are. Minor issues are often majored on, and major issues are ignored. Truth is covered up if it threatens the spiritual leaders.

Characteristics of spiritual abusers

There are characteristics of spiritual abusers that Christians can be aware of, to help them identify abuse and an environment where abuse is likely to take place. 

Spiritual abusers may: 

• Make the victim feel like the real problem is the victim’s inferior spirituality.
• Make the victim feel that they can’t critique the abuse without also critiquing a valuable ministry. 
• Exploit doctrines of forgiveness and reconciliation to demand that a victim forgive abuse.  
• Pressure a victim to ‘move on’, as though any ongoing hurts are the result of ungodly bitterness or resentments.   
• Manipulate others so that they think highly of the abuser and think little of the victim, making the victim feel like they wouldn’t have any support if they did expose the abuse.  
• ‘Groom’ the victim into important church ministry roles so they feel obligated to stay loyal to the ministry. 
• Imply spiritual superiority of the church so the victim feels they need to remain in the church to grow spiritually. 
• Disguise their abusive acts as a dedication to the victim’s spiritual growth. 
• Use the power of group conformity to make the victim look like a rebel for speaking up. 
• Attribute accusations against them to the work of Satan. 
• Use Bible passages about:  
  • rebuking to justify verbal abuse. 
  • sexuality to justify rape and sexual assault. 
  • unity to justify silencing the victim. 

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